Promise Me Always Page 2

  “You know you can’t do that Knox, besides I only have a few months left. I’ll be fine.”

  “I know but I just,” the ending lunch bell rings in the middle of his sentence saving me from the rest of this conversation.

  “Saved by the bell.” I say sarcastically as I push against his rock hard abs. A playful smirk plays on his lips and I can’t help but smile and shake my head. In a way this all feels familiar. The only difference being the little boy I once knew has turned into the strong muscular man in front of me.

  “This is not over Raegan.” He calls after me.

  “It is for me.” I smile over my shoulder at him and continue to walk away. What a weird fucking day.

  Chapter 2

  Raegan

  As soon as I turn into the driveway my heart sinks. Kurt’s rusted old pickup truck is sitting sideways on the front lawn. He’s home early. He didn’t even go to the bar. My stomach turns as I make my way up the front steps. I turn the knob and try to make my way inside as quietly as possible.

  The hallway is dark and dingy and filled with years of cigarette smoke. It sticks to everything, the rugs, curtains and clothes you can’t escape it. I pad as quietly as I can past the living room trying to make my way to the stairs as fast as I possibly can. Out of the corner of my eye I can see my mother’s limp form lying on the sofa. All hiked up on pills and whatever else Kurt feeds her daily. It’s supposed to help her numb the “pain” but I’m pretty sure all it does is help her stay oblivious to what goes on right under her nose. I sigh in relief as my feet reach the bottom of the stair case.

  I’m about half way up when I feel like the floor has been ripped out from underneath me. Gravity betrays me as I fall backwards down the stairs. The only thing to break my fall is the small cloth backpack strapped to my back. A stinging sensation burns my scalp as I try to catch my breath and understand what happened. It only takes a second before I get my answer. Kurt’s towering body stands above me, a permanent scowl plastered on his face.

  “Where the fuck do you think you’re going girl?” he spits. I can smell the whiskey as it pours out of his mouth and have to hold down my gagging. His face is red, not just from the anger but from all the years of alcohol abuse. I raise myself up on my elbow and attempt to get up when Kurt’s boot strikes me faster than a bolt of lightning. The pain is fast and knocks the wind out of me once again. I clutch my side and pray for the pain to end but it only seems to get worse with Kurt’s sudden rage.

  “I told you to take the goddamn trash out this morning and you fucking defied me. Do you like this?” he yells down at me. “Do you fucking like when I treat you like the goddamn animal you are? Huh?” his boot strikes out once again and I curl into the fetal position. I try to protect all my vital organs as Kurt lets out all of his pent up rage. I should have known today would be the day. It’s been almost three days since he last got his anger out. The little tiff we had yesterday barley counts compared to this.

  The bottle can do many things to help him escape but nothing gets his rocks off like beating the shit out of me. And I let it happen. I sit here and take it because I know the moment I graduate I’ll be free. I’ve looked into the foster systems and to me it doesn’t make sense to trade one hell for the other. I know this monster and I know him well. I know when to stay away and when the coast is clear. Trying to learn that about someone new would be like trying to re-learn the last ten years of my life.

  I stay huddled in the fetal position as he shouts his profanities at me and gets all the anger out. It seems like forever until I hear the loud thump of his boots stomp away and the jingle of his truck keys as the front door slams shut behind him. Thank god!

  Getting up is painful and tiring. I suck in a deep breath as a sharp burst of pain shoots through my side. I inspect my tender side and come to the conclusion that I have a cracked rib, or maybe two. It hurts to breathe and basically move at all but I do it anyway to get up from the floor.

  “Raegan is that you?” my mother’s voice is strangled and weak as she calls for me. It takes everything inside me to hobble over to her. Pain spreads throughout my body with every step.

  “What’s the matter mom?” I ask when I get to her. Her hair stands on top of her head in one giant knot. Dark bags hang below her eyes as if she’s been deprived of sleep for the last thirty years. Her weight seems like it’s dropped in half over the years, I don’t even know how there’s anything left.

  “Can you bring me my brandy baby girl?” she rasps. She’s staring right at me but her glossy blood shot eyes tells me she can’t actually see me. I don’t remember when it happened but at some point over the years the woman who used to be my mother completely disappeared and turned into this shell of a woman.

  I hobble over to the liquor cabinet and pour her a small glass of cheap brandy. When i bring it back to her she’s already sound asleep. Her breathing is patchy and every once in a while it pauses until she sucks in a deep ragged breath, calming my nerves just a little.

  I set the glass down on the coffee table beside her and hope that she gets some much needed sleep. i bypass going up to my bedroom and struggle to the kitchen instead, making sure to have Kurt’s dinner done and ready for him as soon as he gets home, which hopefully won’t be for a few hours.

  The garlicy aroma of spaghetti sauce invades my nostrils and causes my stomach to growl. I left in such a hurry this morning I didn’t have any time to grab anything for breakfast, and I missed lunch because of Knox. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until this very moment. I fill a glass with water and take a small plate up with me to my bedroom.

  Finally in my own space I can actually breathe again. I let out a sigh of relief and lock the door behind me. This is the only place in this house I’m safe from the monster and demons that hide outside. I scarf my dinner down in record time and start on homework. It’s only the first day back and already the work load is crazy. Maybe it’s the honor classes, or maybe the teachers want to make sure none of us seniors fall off the wagon. I can only pray these last month’s go by fast and that I have the strength to survive them. I don’t know how much longer I can with stand the cruel punishments and wicked ways of Kurt.

  As the hours go by my ears strain to hear the loud rumble of Kurt’s rusted pickup. He’s later than usual which means he either went home with someone or passed out in his truck somewhere like last time. I have a pounding headache and my ribs are sore to the touch. Looking at the alarm next to my bed I realize it’s almost ten o’clock. Definitely time for bed!

  I check the lock on the door once more and finally settle into bed. The room is dark and quiet side from the moonlight pouring in through the open curtains.

  Just as my eyelids are about to close for good I see a flash resonate throughout my small room. Once. Twice. Three times. I get up on my knees and crawl to the edge of my bed and peek through the window. It starts up again and I realize its coming from Knox’s window. One. Two. Three.

  “What’s it for?” I ask as I stare at the small flashlight Knox put in my hand. Its purple, my favorite color.

  “So we can communicate at night when we’re apart.” He says it like it’s completely obvious, but I’m still confused.

  “How are we gonna do that with a flashlight?” I ask holding it out in front of me.

  “We’re gonna come up with a secret code. Every time you shut off your bedroom light I’ll ask you if you’re okay, one flash means yes two flashes mean no.” he sounds like he has it all figured out as I hang onto his every word.

  “How will you ask if I’m alright?” I ask.

  “Come on Raegan get with the picture” he shakes his head and continues. “I’ll flash three times like this. One, Two, Three. And that means I’m asking if you’re okay. Then you respond with one or two.” He demonstrates while he talks and it seems to make more sense.

  “So what if I answer with two flashes?”

  “Then I’ll come over and see you.” He’s quick to answer.


  “How will you do that? What if Kurt catches you?”

  “Just lock your door and leave the window cracked, if you answer with two flashes just know I’ll be right there.” his words give me some relief. He always seems to make me feel less alone and more wanted.

  The Flashes stopped so I lay back in bed. It only takes about five minutes until I hear my bedroom window start to slide up. Half scared out of my mind I fly out of bed and watch as it continues to open and a large body steps through. I should have known.

  “Knox Caedance Blackburn what the hell are you doing here!” I whisper yell as he trips over the rug and tries to catch his balance.

  “You didn’t answer me!” he whisper yells back.

  “That was years ago Knox it doesn’t work that way anymore.” I stare at him in disbelief. He’s standing by the end of my bed in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. His abs looks as if there sculpted from stone and his arms look like you can rock climb off of them. He is the epitome of a Greek god. A blush spreads across my cheeks when I realize he caught me staring. “You can’t just climb through my bedroom window whenever you feel like it.” I try to remember I’m mad at him. I try to tell myself that it’s his fault we’re estranged. But the dimple in his right cheek steals my resolve.

  “Nothing has Changed Rae, Everything’s still the same.” He sounds like he has to convince himself more than me.

  “It doesn’t work like that Knox, we’re not little kids anymore you can’t just come back and expect everything to go back to normal. That flashlight thing was just something we made up when we were young and dumb.” I cross my arms across my chest and look at anything but him.

  “Fine.” He runs a hand through his hair, a telltale sign of frustration and continues to speak. “If you won’t use the flashlight give me your number.” He pulls a phone out of his pocket and waits for me to rattle off my number.

  “I don’t have a phone Knox.” I feel embarrassed that I seem to lack the one thing everyone aged seven to ninety nine all seem to have.

  “Seriously Rae? You don’t have a goddamn cell phone?” he seems surprised, as if he expected something different.

  “Yes Knox, you know what I have to deal with, obviously I don’t get the luxury of having a cell phone. Look at my freakin’ clothes for god sakes.” I tug at the end of my ripped T-shirt for emphasis. His shoulders slump slightly, but his eyes seem to heat up with desire. It’s gone just as quickly as it appeared.

  “Don’t say things like that Raegan.” His breathing is heavy and ragged. “Don’t put yourself down like that.” He takes a tentative step towards me and continues all the way until I’m backed up against the wall.

  His large hand snakes up and traces from my shoulder across my collar bone, up my neck and to my cheek leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He’s so close I can feel his breath skate across my face. I stand stock still as he leans down until he’s centimeters away from my ear. “You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen Raegan Allen Taylor. These…” he pinches the thin fabric of my T-Shirt between his thumb and forefinger and tugs. “Can’t hide what I already know. You’re beautiful.” I feel his lips brush against the sensitive spot below my ear and my heart rate speeds up. I close my eyes in contentment and when I open them back up he’s gone. It’s as if he was never there. Just the sway of the curtain lets me know he wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.

  Chapter 3

  Raegan

  I’ve been dreaming again, only this time they’re memories. It’s hard to hold onto my anger, when the memories of our childhood force their way back into my heart. Every time I close my eyes images come barreling at me. Flashbacks from endless adventures and banters assault me in my sleep. Tonight is no different.

  I creep down the stairs as quietly as possible, careful not to step on the spots that creek. I told Knox I’d meet him at the fence today, bright and early. Now if I could only get outside unnoticed.

  The living room TV is turned up just loud enough to cover the noise the screen door makes as I push through it and run full speed across the yard.

  “Where the heck have you been Raegan I’ve been waiting forever!” Knox complains as I kneel next to him trying to catch my breath.

  “I had to sneak past mamma and Kurt, I’m lucky they didn’t catch me!” trying to explain it to him is like talking to a wall.

  “Fine whatever. I wanna show you something!” he stands on his long bony legs and holds out a long slender hand to help me up. “Come on!” he waves at me.

  “What is it? You know I hate surprises Knox.” Ever since the last ‘surprise’ Kurt threw my way, any and all others have completely thrown me off.

  “Oh calm down Rae, just get on we’ll be there in a few minutes.” He mounts his bright red bike and nods towards the bike pegs latched to the back.

  “I swear if you were anyone else I wouldn’t do half the crazy stuff you make me do.”

  “Yeah we’ll you love me so you have to do what I say.” He smiles a knowing smile. I’ve never told him about the ginormous crush I have but I suspect a part of him knows. Maybe it’s the way my cheeks redden when he says these things, or maybe it’s the way I let him hold me when we’re in our secret spot.

  “Whatever makes you sleep at night Knoxy!” I quip, ruffling his hair with my fingers. I put one leg up and then the other and latch myself onto Knox’s shoulders as tight as I can.

  “I can’t breathe!” he mumbles through my arms.

  “Stop being such a baby I don’t wanna die back here Knox, I have to hold on tight.” He pulls at my arms and wraps them around his torso.

  “Fine just keep them down here okay Rae?” he starts to pedal and I lean my chin on his shoulder with my arms wrapped tightly around his torso. One of his hands steers while the other has a firm grip over my clasped hands. Being with Knox is like a breath of fresh air. It’s been that way since we first met. We’re like two peas in a pod, or at least that’s what his mamma says... whatever that means.

  We pick up speed as we go down a large hill and I close my eyes tightly. Knox must sense my unease because it only takes a moment before he calms my racing heart.

  “Don’t worry Raegan. I won’t let you get hurt. It’s just a hill. We’ll be there in a few minutes baby.” I blush when he calls me baby, but he seems to do that whenever I’m sad, angry or concerned. For some reason it sends a flood of relief throughout my veins and I manage to let go just a tiny bit. It’s different when he says it, unlike the other kids at school.

  He pulls the bike over to a wooded area and we hop off in unison. I watch as he tucks the small red bike into a bush starts down a long dirt path. We walk in silence. The warm summer air sends a trickle of sweat down my back, and a light sheen forms above my brow. I stare at the back of Knox’s blue T-Shirt and swat away mosquitos until we come to a large clearing with a crystal blue pond. Just looking at the water seems to cool me down completely.

  “What is this place?” I ask looking around. There’s an old picnic bench in a pile of brush off to one side and a bunch of small fire pits littering the dead grass before us.

  “I used to come here for boy scouts, but then they built the new recreation center on Lake Lashaway instead. I like it better here though.” He shrugs his shoulders and pulls off his cotton shirt, wiping the sweat from his face with the hot sticky material.

  “I like it here.” I say absentmindedly, taking in the fresh air and chirp of all the different birds flying about. Knox peels off his shoes and then his socks one by one and reaches for the zipper of his jean pants.

  “What are you doing?” I panic. What the heck is he doing? He can’t get naked someone might see, I might see!

  “I’m going swimming duh.” He rolls his eyes and peels down his jeans revealing his yellow swim trunks. Thank god!

  “What about me? I didn’t bring my swim suit.” The sweat on my body seems like it tripled. A steady river is now flowing from my neck and down my back.

&
nbsp; “Just go in your underwear Rae, I won’t care. We’re best friends remember?” he dunks his head under water and floats on his back, lazily drifting around the cold blue pond. “Come on it feels great.” He spits water from his mouth like a fountain and continues to float around.

  “Fine, but close your eyes!” he throws a lazy hand over his eyes and waits for me to undress. I leave my underwear and T-Shirt on and walk cautiously towards the water.

  At the first dip of my toes it feels like ice water. I wade in inch by inch, loving the way the cool water wraps around my body turning my hot and heated skin into a pile of cool mush.

  “You can look now.” I leap forward and dive head first under the water before he even opens his eyes. When I come up I send a tidal wave of water splashing into his face.

  “Hey! You’re gonna get it Raegan!” I try to swim as fast as I can but he’s on me in seconds. His arms wrap around me and throw me out of the water. I never realized the strength he had for how small he is. I hit the water with a loud splash and come up laughing hysterically.

  “No fair Knox!” I swim towards him and wrap myself around his back. “Give me a dolphin ride Knoxy!” he shakes his head and begrudgingly does what I say.

  “If it were anyone else I wouldn’t do half the crazy stuff you make me do.” He throws my words from before back at me and starts swimming around with me latched to his back. But it’s how we are, I bend and he breaks, or the other way around. We do everything together, apparently even swimming in your underwear. But it’s never awkward or uncomfortable. Some days we can sit by the fence next to the big oak tree for hours in complete silence. Other days he’s bringing me on all kinds of adventures. He was right when he said I loved him even if he was joking. Even if I’m too young to know what love is. I know I love Knox Caedance Blackburn, that’s a fact.

  Chapter 4